little things

today while i was working at home and my old man was fixing to go play some golf, his phone rang. in the rush and hurry a phone call is an annoyance and this one started off with a "what?!" what do you want? why are you calling me now while i am busy? but of course the punch line is that someone else is always busier than we, are they not? it was his sister calling to say that a cousin whom we rarely see but whom they grew up with is on life support with reportedly little brain activity apparently due to an illness contracted from a tick bite. what the hell? she went to the doctor and complained of the tick-induced illness, and he gave her penicillin or whatever it is they give nowadays and said if she didn't feel better in a couple days, it was not the tick but the flu. in a couple days, the police were breaking down the door of the place where she lives alone, and finding her on the bathroom floor unconcious.

nothing we do matters, and yet oddly, everything we do matters. life is precious, fleeting, filled with long days and short years. life is dangerous and small things can maim or kill. small insects, small words, small actions, little things are the worst because it's the little things we're never expecting and the little things we never apologize for. we don't see the little things coming, which is of course their advantage, the dirty rotten sneaks.

memorial day

it's memorial day, the day to remember those who fight and die to ensure (insure?) our freedom, so we in this house did our best to support the troops by going shopping. what? you say. going shopping? why yes. see, shopping results in purchasing which results in paying sales tax which results in tax revenues for the local govt which are supposed to trickle up. trickle up? you say. how? well, more local taxes should mean my local area is less dependent on state taxes and federal taxes. the more we here support our local businesses, the more we here should gain self-sufficiency. so? so. that leaves more state tax dollars for the state, which in turn means the state requires fewer federal funds, and wah-lah, more federal money to do federal things such as providing for the common defense, promoting the general welfare, securing the blessings of liberty for ourselves and our posterity. well, i don't know if i could speak to how well that's all working, or really, whether that's how the system is designed to work, or even the bigger issue of whether that is how it "should" work. but it sounds both reasonable and good, and pluswise, the keds were on sale.

a journey begun

today she would have been seventy-one.
brigadoon's maid,
days in the sun,
life full of promise,
fortunate one,
today would be seventy-one.

what happens to promise down through the years?
hope is like sandstone and time's rain, our tears
that fall gentle on dreams which when young we hold dear
and wear them down slowly till they disappear.

today she would have been seventy-one.
somebody's daughter,
mother to sons,
a link in a chain -
a now-missing one -
today would be seventy-one.

who are the people we see in our lives?
disparate strangers, familiar disguise.
classmates and daughters and neighbors and wives,
we can't know one another. we all compromise.

today she would have been seventy-one.
shaman, healer,
a journey begun,
gone to walk among stars,
tween the moon and the sun.
today would be seventy-one.

pearlie's in the park!

have you ever watched "pearlie"? i am guessing not. it is a cartoon on qubo. the qubo website propounds Qubo is a safe destination for children of all ages and their families. Our programs entertain, celebrate the fun of learning and feature positive role models. Qubo. Good Fun. good fun! positive role models! this particular show features a faerie called pearlie and her group of faerie friends who live in a park and appear to be in charge of upkeep of the park facility. they're a bit flighty (HAHA) but diligent. at the end of each show on qubo, there is a sort of recap of the story highlights and a summary of the moral lesson. the commercials feature mini-lectures on the benefits of eating fruit and reading books and the evils of sharing music or movies online. all the commercials are ".gov" - my tax dollars at work. the actual programming may not be actually produced by the actual government, but if we're purchasing all the commercial time, the it comes down to the same thing. not that there is anything wrong with that, but it's just good to know where the money is going.

thursday's child has far to go.

“Denying yourself a full food group or even one specific food will make it more desirable,” says Sondra Kronberg, M.S., R.D., NEDA spokesperson, and director of the Eating Disorder Treatment Collaborative. “You’ll want it even more because it’s forbidden—and your body will physically crave it if you’re depriving yourself of a given nutrient.”

this is why i purchased poptarts today. i need them!

i also purchased two fruit sauces in a toothpaste-style tubes, a package of cheese extruded into stick format, a box of graham crackers, and a three small cans of (1) lima beans, (2) peas, (3) cut green beans. why, ace - you say - these are foods for a toddler, are you a toddler? to which i would answer - no, but there are toddlers coming to visit me. and you would ask - who? and i would answer - beavis and regina, of course!

no, i did not acquire any of those lucious banana cookies the kids love so much. if i got those cookies all the time, well they wouldn't be special, now would they? no, they would not. pluswise, those kids are just spoiled rotten brats and the last thing they need are lucious cookies.

HA!

what is in searcy, arkansas?

today i went for a run! okay, no i didn't. HUH. i went for a ride on the statbike but while i was riding there, i thought about running. and, i played soccer last night. and, i ran on sunday. and, i rode that stinkin bike on monday. and, i have been lifting weights. see? i am in fairly good shape.

fast forward to tonight - i am doing some laundry. most of my workout clothes are hang-dry and so i am hanging some shorts up to dry and i observed the tag. they are a M in the USA and M in DEUT and 12 in UK and in china they are XL and in japan they are 2XL! 2!X!L! zoinks! in japan i am a fatty! i wear a 2XL in the land of sumo rasslers - what the hell are the rasslers wearing?!

i am not even really a M. i just get the bigger clothes to sort of bulk me up a bit so that if i am caught in a bad neighborhood i will look tough and big, and i won't get mugged. it's very important to be prepared.

now you're just rambling.

this morning i went to the dentist. a lot of people, when you ask them, they will say they don't like to go to the dentist. i will tell you that i don't particularly like the hassle of appointments in general, but the specific idea of visiting the dentist doesn't bother me. well, we call it going to the dentist, but it's really going to the hygenist, the cleaner of teeth.

when i was a child, the shaman took me and the crown prince to a pediatric dentist. i am sure we went fairly often because when i don't try too hard to focus right on the memory, i can catch a glimpse of where the office was located. the pediatric dentist was called dr denny. dr denny the dentist. in a small-world moment, i learned that the hygenist currently providing tooth maintenance to me went to dental school with dr denny.

dr denny had three chairs in an open room so three kids could get their teeth cleaned at the same time. after the cleaning, dr denny would check our teeth and then we'd get to pick a prize toy from a treasure chest that was an actual real treasure chest, although the toys were a bit cheap.

i never had a cavity for dr denny to fill. he always said how strong my teeth were. i enjoyed all my praise-filled visits except for once when i had some grown up teeth come in and the baby teeth roots didn't dissolve and i had a ton of teeth all in my mouth together, and dr denny had to pull some of the baby teeth. i was all numbed up and it didn't hurt, but the sounds were awful.

so dr denny praised my teeth, but their impervience (sp?) was obviously some miracle of nature because educating us kids in proper dental hygeine wasn't tops on the shaman's to-do list. when they gave us those pink pills to chew up at school, to show who had clean teeth, well those we were really not fun days for ol' ace. i remember going in the restroom and scraping my teeth with my fingernails to get some of the stuff off before i chewed the tell-tale pink pill. yeah, scraped it off. thick layers of crud. it's amazing i have my own teeth still. (well, all but 2, and those 2 are now my crowning glory.)

so that brings us to today, a day of much improved dental hygeine habits. i brush. i floss. i listerswish. and, although my gums are receeding a tad, i am still given a gold star with every visit. yeah, i sort of like getting my teeth cleaned and anyway, it's much better than not having teeth at all.

yellow green blue read

so i go "can i have a band-aid?" and she goes "MAY i have a band-aid?" and i go "well sure you can have one, too." and then i got detention because i was still new and hadn't learned yet, you don't talk that way there.

i didn't choose to go there - didn't choose NOT to, but didn't choose TO, if you see what i am saying. there was an interview, which must have been important because we got dressed up and all. when the headmistress asked me did i want to take french or latin, i said french, just like that, just like i had thought about it, french. and she wrote it down: french. and i took french. so my words had power, see, and i thought i could talk as i pleased there, same as everywhere else.

but i learned during those two years, learned that sometimes the power is in saying the words and sometimes, the power is in keeping the words to ourselves.

well, you could say he lives in the earth now, himself, but he's not a potato.

his hands were like monkey paws, dark, rough... pawlike. i am not even sure he had opposable thumbs (haha) but seriously, his hands were sort of permanently curved from years of working in the garden, raking, hoing (hoeing?). he smelled like dirt and tobacco and gin. he taught me that when the drawer doesn't balance to the receipts, if the difference is divisible by 9, that's a good indication i had transposed a number and as i have a bit of a tendency to transposition, that's a handy tip for me. he told me once about his baby son who died in the crib, and he told the story flatly and i already knew the punchline, but when he said "we found him dead" i felt a physical shock like i'd been struck by lightning. that's how i knew we were family, connected.

today while me and my old man were outside planting way too many tomato vines and onions and peppers in a small plot of reclaimed lawn, so that our 80 year old neighbor can watch something grow, and water it... while i dug my hands into the earth and felt the soil pour through my fingers and grabbed great clumps of dirt to break them up by my own strength... i thought about him and that time we were digging up potatoes.

it was rare for me to help him in the garden and i am not sure why i was, but it was coolish, evening, and we were going down the row. he was shovelling the earth, turning it over, revealing the hidden tater treasure, and i was just a kid, scrabbling along on the ground, grabbing them when i saw them and tossing them in a bucket. we were both laughing. we had a good time.

windows are rolled down, sun is setting high

so i left before they did, right after the game, because they had to ride the bus back but i was in my car. out of the lot at the light, i went south until there was a choice about getting on the freeway or staying on the highway and i chose the highway and if ever there was a correct choice, that was one right there. the traffic was easy, just enough cars to have someone to play with and jockey around and when you can do it right it's like dancing. the roof open. the window down. the temps are pure perfection and the wind is just tossing my plain white tee against my arm, and the shirt is soft and the air is soft and the road is soft and i glide through that place between hogan and the shell station and it's like magic, the road just opens up. gently through town and back into the open where there's not a red light between me and the next county and i open it up again and the other cars are spaced - just - so - and i dodge left - right - left again and shoot past the old homestead and over the hill to the traffic signal where there is amazingly no one in the oncoming lanes, so when i make my left, i can cut my path across all the painted lines and hit the hill with steady pace and then i am through past the mall catching every. single. signal. green! green means go, around to the east then south then east and on the penultimate stretch past the hospital there is (literally) not another car so i get my buddy my pal my little slingshot car up to 70 then let go of the gas right there by the goose pond and glide effortlessly - but with such precision it would make you cry - glide just up to the traffic signal for one more stop, then it's all on go, the home stretch, through the gully where the air is always so cold and up again to the hill where my house sits, waiting for me to open the garage and come inside.

eyes

seems i've lost the thermoregulator
for my soul.
something's got me running,
running hot,
running cold.

tuesday i would hurt you,
bring you to your knees.
build you up to tear you down,
leave you there to bleed.

wednesday i am humbled,
and a hug is all i need.

thursday morn my brain's on fire
i need someone to hurt.
the whole world needs to shut up,
go away, eat the dirt.

friday i am flirty,
picking flowers,
wear a skirt.

saturday i cry all day,
can't get out of bed.
sunday is a twofer,
and i need to see you dead.

monday starts another week,
with promise and a plan,
but give me 13 hours,
and it all will start again.

sometimes a word is a song

when i came home
you weren't there
it was almost like
you didn't care
and when i stood
and called your name
i heard my own voice
just the same

sometimes the nights are lonely
sometimes the nights are long
sometimes the good times turn into the bad times
sometimes a word is a song

when i went out
and found you there
it was just as if
you really cared
and then i sat
and breathed your name
i heard your answer
just the same

sometimes the nights are lonely
sometimes the nights are long
sometimes the bad times turn into the good times
sometimes a word is a song

when you're down in the dumps
and your dog has died
and the train ran off
with your brand new bride
and your heart is broke
and your boots are too
and your mama's in jail
and your bird's in the flue
when you don't know what
the day will bring
and you don't know how
your voice will sing
and you wish that the world
would all go away
well, darlin', i'm here
i'm here to stay

sometimes the nights are lonely
sometimes the nights are long
sometimes the good times turn into the bad times
sometimes a word is a song

the biggest wagon is the empty wagon is the noisiest

it wasn't a secret, it was just something nobody else knew. if they'd have asked, she probably would have told them. but who would think to even ask something like that? who would think to ask HER something like that? jeez. not that you don't hear about that sort of thing, because duh, you hear about it all the time. all. the. time.

so it wasn't a secret but nobody knew it and nobody would have guessed it, and so it was like a secret in the way that it separated her from everyone else. her world was coloured by it, she looked out of eyes that held it there like a screen in front of her, and everything she saw, she saw through that screen. nobody else was looking through the screen and nobody else knew that she was looking through it, so it separated her from them. but she didn't know any different. it had always been there. she didn't even think about it... not really, not very much. if you have always been separate, you don't experience separation.

it was sort of like... sort of like having a funny toe, a toe that's really short or doesn't have a toenail or whatever, but it's in your shoe and so nobody sees it. nobody asks about it. who would ask, do you have a funny toe. jeez. nobody asks that. but it's not a secret because if they asked, you'd be all, yes i do have a funny toe. it's not a secret that you are keeping, it is just something that nobody else knows.

so, it was sort of like that, but only sort of, because of course having a funny toe is not a crime and so in that way, it was very different.

water

i am not angry
i do not feel angry
but i feel tight and restless
and i just feel like breaking something

and right there is your heart
my heart
entrusted to me for safekeeping
and i just feel like breaking something

and so i break it
because it is convenient
because it is easy
and i just feel like breaking something

there's nobody named junior here! ain't nothing in the back room but some boxes!

5 things not to buy at ikea? this is news? c'mon.

here - 5 things not to buy at ikea. you're welcome.

1. celery
2. pyjamas
3. babysitting services
4. foot creme
5. a trumpet

the ides of may

jolee didn't like it so hot. sweat sprang from her scalp like water from the spring, worked its way between her braids and tickled as it trickled down her back. she cussed at the hairs that escaped the braids, stuck to her neck, stuck to her forehead, whipped in the dry wind and caught in the folds of her eyelid. she pulled the hairs away from her eye and managed to get dirt in it. damn! weren't they past time for a small break, a sip of water? where was mr harrison? he'd left the overseer in charge and that man was just plain mean, wouldn't let 'em stop even just to stand up and stretch. berries, berries, berries! who in god's creation ate all these dadblamed berries! jolee hated strawberries. so juicy and sweet, probably would be so refreshing on this miserable dry hot day, but even one in her mouth and jolee's throat would close up quicker than a bird on a bug.

it was chance how they found that out. although jolee had only been a baby, no way she could remember it on her own, she'd heard the story enough times to have it in her heart like a memory. jolee's mama had been a picker, too, and had newborn jolee with her in the field that day. it was a hot day, like today, and jolee was sweating and flushed to the point her mama was scared little jolee would die of the heat, so her dear mama squeezed a strawberry in little jolee's mouth, just a bit of juice, thinking to relieve her poor baby's thirst. soon as that juice touched jolee's lips, she first smiled then her tongue swelled up and jolee stopped breathing. her mama started screaming and didn't stop until mrs harrison came in the field and wrenched little jolee out of her mama's arms and ran with her into the house where doc morgan was having a business meeting with mr harrison.

doc morgan saved jolee's life that day, but jolee's mama was so distraught at the thought of having nearly killed her baby that she left the harrison place that day and no one in the county had seen her since.

learn something new every day

someone asked me the other day if new zealand is part of the continent of australia, and i had to break the news that australia's not a continent anymore. the proper term is oceania and it encompasses australia, new zealand, and various other islands there in the pacific. when i got home i googled it to learn more and the first thing i learned was that in fact, the continent is still called australia. what the hell? they are totally messing with me.

continued research revealed there is some debate about how many continents there are. back in the day, we learned 7 continents: north america, south america, europe, asia, africa, antarctica, and australia. apparently, not only are these 7 a bit passé, they are also (according to the highly reliable wikipedia) not universally accepted. eurasia, america (north+south), and afroeurasia are three different combos that are used in variety with the magnificent seven to supply 7, 6, 5, or 4 continents. who knew?

the model of seven is taught in china and most english-speaking countries. that's an interesting combo, eh? the six continent eurasia model is preferred by russia and japan which are both on asia but seemingly would like to be associated more closely with europe. interesting. the combined-america model is taught in latin america and greece. that's right, latin america... and greece. yeah, i don't know. the combined-america model is the basis of the five olympic rings -- the rings leave out antarctica because it's not habited.

italy, greece, latin america, iberia, and canada all use the name oceania. the rest of us are going with australia and simply dissing the little islands.

yes, it's pictures again, but you know you love pictures, so hush up.

this is the comic describing my daily existence. if it is too small to see, your homework is to go find the non sequitur from 5-11-2011.

---

this is my coffee cup. i got it from a vendor at work. it's a nice shape and size, but not really special. when i was last at elvis's house, i meant to steal that one with the stainless steel bottom, but i forgot it. pluswise, it might be priscilla's, so i'd want to be sure she didn't see me taking it.

---

this coffee cup belongs to my old man. he received it as a gift from the last girl he was with before he was with me and he has been with me for like dozens of years, so this is a really old cup, and you'd think how old it was, they would have been drinking their coffee out of wooden bowls or something, but no, they had cups, and this one is apparently indestructible.

---

this is the cheese. i like cheese. i am a fan of cheese. go cheese! yay! you rock! why is cheese wrinkly like that? does the manufacturing do that? the packaging? the storage? transport? shelving at retail? what? wha-a-a-at??

---

this is the strawberry bowl. you can tell because it has strawberries printed ON it AND strawberries contained IN it! straw. berry. BOWL. i think we can all agree it's very important - VERY - IMPORTANT - to use dishes in the way they are intended to be used, which is indicated by what is printed on the outside. so glad we've gotten this straightened out.

---

this is the eggs. when we do eggs, we usually do 5. 4 is too few, 6 is too many. 5 is ju-u-u-ust right, goldielocks. i like this pic because when i poured in the milk (to make the eggs fluffy) the milk just flowed in really cool between the yolks. seriously. look at it until you appreciate it. do it. do it!

---

this is the blogger outage. it was a bummer.

not pictures

well, i was going to do you up a blog with some pictures, but my iphone has decided to hold onto them all for itself, so i will instead tell you i have started reading "american gods" by neil gaiman which was given me by mini-me and which is the 2nd book mini-me has given me in which the devil offers the protagonist a job. what's up with that?

if i say "fish in a dish" do you think of a beta in a bowl or a salmon on a platter?

so i worked at home today which is a great way bring focus to a project and focus has the obvious upside of increasing productivity but focus has a dark side. when all the pieces don't fall into place, it's a huge letdown. HUGE! H!U!G!E!!

i worked like six hours very productively and then took a smallish break before heading into the home stretch. my thinking was that based on how well the day had gone, the home stretch would be highly rewarding and the day would end in a glorious chorus of joyous angelsong. ** oooo-aaaahhh!!! ** the smallish break was designed to add to the fun, see, by delaying the crowning moment, giving me time to look at its approach, see it headed my way.

um....

well, let's just say it didn't work out that way. couple loose ends won't settle for being wrapped up.

* sigh *

books 2011

currently:
american gods
[neil gaiman]

^^ haven't actually started this one yet, but it was a gift from the marvelous mini-me who is anxious that i begin it, so it must be good, so it will be the next up.

complete:
land of a hundred wonders
[lesley kagen]
swim to me
[betsy carter]
princess academy
[shannon hale]
the angels game
[carlos ruiz zafon]
they almost always come home
[christina ruchti]
lifeguard training manual
[red cross]
the broker
[john grisham]
queste
[angie sage]
the things we do for love
[kristin hannah]
physik
[angie sage]

they don't call it mothers day for nothing.

it is not possible to really appreciate your parents. you can come to terms with them, you can certainly love them, you can intellectualize their decisions, follow their logic, try to understand why they lived as they did, raised you as they did. but even after you've got kids of your own and have reached that inevitable hand-slapping-forehead moment when the grace of knowledge washes over you like a clear mountain stream and you sympathize or even empathize with them, even then you cannot fully appreciate the people that were your parents. the reason why you cannot is simple enough - it's because you did not know them before they were parents. you can know the stories of their history, but you weren't there. you can know the family, the friends, the town, the school, you can know the environment, but you can't know them outside of the context of you+them.

no matter what your mother is to you, she was something else to somebody else beforehand. a daughter, a school chum, a teammate, a friend, a lover. whether you were a plan or you were a surprise, whether you were her first, her last, or her only, whether you were a boy or a girl, whether you lived or died, you changed her life forever.

38,000 restaurants in 110 countries and territories

today i was going to a bridal shower because i am very social and always go to all the social things to which i am invited and even some to which i am not invited so in fulfillment of my most social self, i was venturing into residential territory located many miles away from my personal residential territory, and this many-miled journey comprised approx one hour, during which hour i passed through approx 128,992 subdivisions and each subdivision contained somewhere in the neighborhood of 3,554 homes which extrapolates neatly to 458,437,568 families for which one can use the average of 3.268 members, bringing the total number of people between my home and the target home to an astounding 1,498,173,972.224, and i for one had no idea there were that many people living around here so i am not exactly convinced that my calculations are correct but i do know that i can safely say that between here and there the number of ranch-style single family homes does come to precisely one shit-ton.

he can't be held responsible if she refuses.

today at work we had drug training which of course would be hilarious fun if it were a lab class but alas, it was a two hour powerpoint presentation. the same presentation we saw last year, and wait, you guessed it!, the year before that also. there is no telling when's the last time they updated this old klunker, but there's a clue in the list of vocabulary for the drugs. i mean, i know that druggies aren't known for their creative use of language but c'mon, surely they're calling this stuff by different names these days. we are supposed to be trained so that we can recognize in the workplace conversations about drugs, so we're all set if the druggies are like 80 years old.

about 350 words is gonna have to hold you for today.

sometimes i wonder who buys that stuff piled in the bins around the starbux counter. then i remember i don't give a shit. it's not my store. i am tasked with neither sales nor inventory. i am free! so the fact that this lady just walked out with a hot drink and a bag of the naturally flavored nature's popcorn au naturale need not worry me a bit. i don't need to concern myself with how the hell you s'posed to know people are gonna buy those things together so's you can keep the shelves stocked appropriately?

i would, however, dearly like to know why does it smell like hot dogs up in here? hot diggity, dog diggity, boom - what you do to me, oscar meyer makes, hot dogs diggity! oscar meyer had some good jingles back in the day. what's mr meyer up to now? oh, i wish i were an oscar meyer weeeeenrrrrrr, that is what i'd truly like to beeeeeeee, cause if i were an oscar meyer weeeeenrrrrrr, everyone would be in love with me! oscar meyer, please check in. we're all wondering where you been. your jingles were so very fine that we would sing them all the time. if we had more funny songs, we'd probably all get along. better.

those girls that just walked by? the one bringing up the rear? she is wearing toms, which is a kind of shoe. i need some toms to go with my chucks. HAHAHAH! that is completely freaking hilarious to two of you. maybe three. definitely two. HAHAHAHAH!! wooo. funny.

this starbux has a drive thru that's positioned for maximal afternoon sun and the side of the store here where i am sitting is all in shade, so these goobers keep charging down the side towards the drive thru and then they swing around into the BLAST OF SUNSHINE! they start doing that "i'm too cool to admit i can't see where the hell i am going" sort of head bob while they blindly claw at the ceiling of their car trying to pull down the visor. yes, the amusement was crushed under the sheer volume of the words there.

the train don't run by here no more

so right when i am all boo-hoo on account of my leg hurts and i can't run and we lost the soccer game and nobody gets my jokes and the price of gas is rising and i don't want to do the dishes and i just want some me-time... right when i am just a pathetic whinging mess, i find out somebody else had a big ol' steaming bowl of sht for breakfast.

i went to work and learned that five of my coworkers were informed their particular skill sets were no longer needed. thanks for your years of loyal service, and don't let the door hit ya on the way out. the current economic environment is not particularly conducive to finding new jobs. good luck.

i turned on the teevee and learned that the midwest is flooding. part of the remedy is to blow holes in the levees so that the river level will go down. the by product here is that farmland is flooded. on the news, there was a farmer, and grizzled looking tough old farmer, crying. "i never thought i'd see water in my house," he said. wow.

i read sweet baby james's blog and learned a friend of his has committed suicide. he's struggling with the natural yet futile wondering, questioning if he could have done something to prevent it. this friend was quite obviously at the end of what she thought her options were. i mean, who does that? i doubt you go, hmm... wear the blue dress or just call it quits? seriously, you've got to be at the end of all hope. lord help us.

"history is a practice based on fact." (where did i read that? where? where??)

"history is a practice based on fact."

really? i mean, sure, king kumquat was the ruler of kumquatia in 1034. good. dat's da fack, jack. but just ask someone you were with last tuesday what y'all did last tuesday together, and i can betcha they'd have a different memory than you do. so? so. the point here is that history lessons may be BASED on fact but they are not a RECITATION of fact. that's where the folkses get all confusalized.

is it wrong that i recognize a ke$ha song when i hear it? is it wrong i know how to spell ke$ha? is it wrong maybe i like the song a little?

expecting me to teach you to use that computer program simply because i use computers is analogous to my asking you to teach me to play cricket simply because you play sports. C'MON MAN!

speaking of crickets, our house is a bit covered up with ants. by covered up i of course mean they are in the kitchen food cabinet, which is where we moved the food years ago when the mice got into the pantry. critters! bah! and these are stupid little eejity ants that just sort of wander around. useless! i would prefer the Marching In Line style of ants because at least i can comprehend their Purposefulness, what with their rubber tree moving and all. anyhoo, these ants are useless causing nothing but annoyance, getting into the peanut butter and the raisins and the cereal.

here is another fascinating post about ants.

to combat them we pulled all the food from the cab and piled it on the counter and put the ant powder all around it. i snapped you a pic of this setup. yes, i realize my groceries are lame. anyhoo, this way the ants will see the lameass food and be all BONANZA! and go after it, walking through the powder to get there. then they will track the powder back to their little ant compound, bringing death in their wake. bwah ha ha!


ants. can't live with 'em, don't have to.

well, okay, so it's not like i ran a marathon.

yesterday i got up and fixed breakfast and did the dishes, did my physical therapy, balanced the checkbook and paid all the bills, folded and put away two loads of laundry, changed the sheets, went for a jog, got groceries, hung out at starbux, did some shopping at dick's (sporting goods, ya dork), and had a sandwich for supper about 9pm. this morning i got up and went out for breakfast, then went to home depot with the neighbor and my old man to get plants for me to kill this summer, then helped my old man clean out the gutters, then took a nap, then watched 60 minutes, and now i am sitting here wondering what to have for supper. i am so tired. i need a weekend to recover from my weekend.