the biggest wagon is the empty wagon is the noisiest

it wasn't a secret, it was just something nobody else knew. if they'd have asked, she probably would have told them. but who would think to even ask something like that? who would think to ask HER something like that? jeez. not that you don't hear about that sort of thing, because duh, you hear about it all the time. all. the. time.

so it wasn't a secret but nobody knew it and nobody would have guessed it, and so it was like a secret in the way that it separated her from everyone else. her world was coloured by it, she looked out of eyes that held it there like a screen in front of her, and everything she saw, she saw through that screen. nobody else was looking through the screen and nobody else knew that she was looking through it, so it separated her from them. but she didn't know any different. it had always been there. she didn't even think about it... not really, not very much. if you have always been separate, you don't experience separation.

it was sort of like... sort of like having a funny toe, a toe that's really short or doesn't have a toenail or whatever, but it's in your shoe and so nobody sees it. nobody asks about it. who would ask, do you have a funny toe. jeez. nobody asks that. but it's not a secret because if they asked, you'd be all, yes i do have a funny toe. it's not a secret that you are keeping, it is just something that nobody else knows.

so, it was sort of like that, but only sort of, because of course having a funny toe is not a crime and so in that way, it was very different.