this interested me a lot, and so i asked her quite a bit about it.

yes, that is a line from becoming me, by melody carlson. supposed to be a typical 16-yr-old's diary. ri-i-i-i-ight. here are 2 sentences from the text.

feeling fed up with nathan, and everything else, i told him that i preferred to go home.

of course, i agreed, telling myself that if by some chance jenny should become intoxicated... i'd be the designated driver to get us home safely.

how many 16-yr-olds would say, much less take the time to write, things like "preferred" or "intoxicated"? here is your creative writing exercise: exorcise the awkward-language demon from those sentences. i will give it a go.

i was pissed at nathan & told him to take. me. home. now.

so, i went along b/c when jen gets smashed, everyone thinks i am some hero des. driver, but really - it's the only way i ever get to drive her mustang.

i am not saying i am some teenager-whisperer or anything, and who the hula would want to be that anyway -- all's i am saying is that the language in this purported diary is unrealistic. the book would be more authentic if it were a first-person account, but not a diary.

so there.

i am

walking the fine line between commitment & neurosis.

grass is green..... sky is blue..... maneki neko is waving at you!

titans were off to a stellar start at 6-2, but now... 3 weeks later... 3 losses later... they are 6-5. all three losses, haynesworth was out with a hammie injury. so: is he that important? the evidence points to yes, but there are always myriad other factors - strength of opponent, other player injuries, the fact that titans cornerbacks intercept more passes per game than titans receivers catch. perhaps the cornerbacks should be moved to receiver, eh?

finished caleb carr's the alienist. underneath the affectations, there is a decent story, but the vanity of historical references coupled with the pretension of colloquial speech patterns wear the reader out. currently reading becoming me, by melody carlson. the name melody connotes lightweight, and this melody does not let us down - she is a lightweight. this book is as pretensiously teenage as the alienist was pretensiously historical. adult writers who attempt to write like teenagers are, as a rule, eejits. they have no idea how teenagers talk, much less how they think. i would give you an actual example from the book, but it appears that i left the book in the car which is not presently here.

i posted a status phrase on my gtalk today, and later discovered on a running message board i frequent, that same phrase had played a large part in a prominent post. those who visit my gtalk & that message board might think i copied my status from the board, but i had set my status before that thread came to be. i was first! i was.

it is thursday...

...of the first full week i have worked in a few weeks. vacation, holiday... now, that was living. back to the daily grind, where yesterday's highlight was the arrival of the new electric stapler and a fresh bulb for the desk lamp.

i have made it to thursday unscathed. congratulate & encourage me by sending money.

local news

a local mall experienced a robbery. at one store, the sales clerk, who was working alone, left a couple in the store while she went to the back room to find some stock. while the clerk was away, the couple lifted thousands of dollars worth of louis vuitton bags. the customer is not always right!

a local man was attacked by his neighbor's pet deer, bambi. it is illegal to keep a deer as a pet in this state. why? because they are vicious. the deer bit him, stomped on him, pulled him into a pond and nearly drowned the man. shame on you, bambi!

a local city government is working on an ordinance that will ban the use of indoor furniture in an outdoor setting. some university students are especially disappointed because they recently rescued a cat-scratched, no-legged couch from their neighbor's garbage. too bad, kids -- get that couch off the porch!

and, on a local-local note: i have run 12 miles and consumed 12,000,000 calories this week. is that the correct balance? just not sure here...

we are the government.

we elect the representatives. we pay the taxes. we form the government.

to wait for the government to serve us is to wait for ourselves.

to condone government intervention in any part of anyone's life is to commit ourselves to that intervention.

in honor of my old man's birthday

here is my wishlist, in no particular order, & subject to change:

• yo-yo
• night vision goggles
• light sabre
• mess kit
• label maker
• guitar
• subscription to popular mechanics
• highgear adventure plus
• galaga for nintendo ds

why is there a small, wire, magnetic dalmation jammed between the cushions of my couch?

getting back into the post-holiday groove, i decided to do a little cross-training warmup today before my usual lunchtime run. i chose the activity seated-pee-tie. for those unfamiliar with this stellar warmup - a quick explanation: one laces up ones trainers whilst taking the pre-run weewee. some may have sufficient hamstring flexibility and... er... "audacity" to perform the standing-pee-tie, but i do not.

the goal of this simple warmup is to lace ones trainers before completing ones pee. needless to say, i am out of shape after the recent feast-fest; ergo - could not attain this goal. the pee was long since gone before the lacing was complete.

among the possibilities for bettering my lace-to-pee ratio are:

1. elastic laces - this seems like cheating, somehow.
#B - holding pee longer before beginning activity - this is risky.
iii) practicing more.

who can advise me here? i cherish your wisdom.

watercolor day

the sky is low & grey. the air is misty. waterlogged leaves in muted browns & golds accumulate in the culverts, clog the drains. drops plink into expanding rings on shallow puddles with muddy banks. softly slushing water works its way back underground. where you step, the ground gently gives. where you look, the diluted daylight reveals little. where you listen, the world is muffled, oddly distant. evidence points to your isolation, your abandonment...
but, you know that truth & evidence do not always coincide.

to do list

1. get hooked up with a gig that includes travel to europe

take nothing for granted

about 10 yrs ago, i put a silver ring on my thumb for no reason other than i liked how it looked. a few weeks ago, i took it off and left it off. it was there 24/7 for 10 yrs, and now it is simply not there. easy come - easy go.

when i was 7 or 8 yrs old, on halloween i was running to show off what loot i'd gotten. i fell & gashed my knee on an aggragate sidewalk. when it healed, there was a scar roughly shaped like the african subcontinent. a couple weeks ago, i was running & stepped off the curb on an aggragate sidewalk & tore that scar off my knee. it was there 24/7 for nearly all my life, and now it is simply not there. easy come - easy go.

easy come - easy go.
a little high - little low.
anyway the wind blows,
it doesn't really matter to me.
- freddie mercury

how easily we take the simplest things for granted. how easily we change our own lives. how easily days come... and go.

pink looks good on you

tech news: there is this internet service called twitter. it is what is called mini-blogging - just 100 or so words at a pop. you update your status, and your friends get a text or a im with the update. this sounds like a super fun idea. the only drawback is that it doesn't actually work. you update your status, and it goes nowhere. google talk is supposed to pop up a notification when a contact logs on, but it does not work consistently. brilliant advancements in technical communication tools.

music news: james blunt has a new cd out, and he's singing a couple songs on the regis & kelly show which is today the kelly & her husband show. james' new songs sound like his old songs. final analysis -- new cd probably not worth the money.

art news: no pictures today. don't cry.

food news: after the thanksgiving potluck we attend, some of the food we bring is always left over. same at any potluck holiday. the way this particular group does the leftovers is to repack what each person brought and send it home with that person. so, you bring corn for 25, and corn for 15 is always left over, so you bring home corn for 15. of course, you do not have to bring corn for 25, but if you do not bring corn bel grande, then the hostess will think there is not enough corn & will panic & cook more corn. at any rate, the point here is that the better way to do the leftovers would be to give everyone some of everything instead of sending home all of something with any one person.

sports news: i may go for a run today. on the other hand, it is 35º. brrr.

seeking the cold comfort of sanitized chainstore sameness.

the comfort in the sameness
is a comfort that arises
from the safety of the knowledge
of the rules & the procedures
for the process to the outcome
of that trite, stale, sterile sameness
that reliably deceives.
the comfort in the sameness,
hypocritical & hollow,
will leave your soul abandoned
and your intellect benumbed.


boycott sameness.
go local.

why don't i have any akon cds?

sunday night on the american music awards, there was this band the jonas brothers. some disney teen idol band. they came out of these broken window props, and the middle dude - the lead singer - tripped over his window and landed on his knees in a jazz-hands slide. ha! oh, he was fine, so it was funny.

okay, so the titans on mnf basically was a disaster, but here is what is funny: shanahan called a timeout to ice bironis, and bironis missed the f.g. that was iced, but made the next one. then the broncs defense called a t.o. that allowed a titan play to be reviewed that ended up giving the titans a t.d. so, that is funny -- that shanahan's t.o.'s backfired on him. here's a pic of ol' shanny losing it all over a ref. settle down, shanny! too bad the titans took a major dive like the jonas brothers walking through windows.

hey -- guess who took my stitches out? me. heh heh heh.

it was one of those days.

so there i was today, walking along the sidewalk, when the security guard at the building across from mine goes, "sure looks funny seein' you walkin'. why ain't you runnin' today?"

"i ran a marathon yesterday," i answered. "so i am taking a break today."

then, he asks, "how far did you go?" now that usually ticks me off b/c a marathon=26.2 - always! but, he is a sweet old man, so i just smiled & said, "26 miles."

he goes, "26 miles! my, my...," shaking his head, "how did you do?"

"i finished," i said.

and, he smiled & said, "oh, now. sho! you keep on tryin', and one day, you gonna win!"

the funny thing is, on a day like today, i could almost believe him.

my voice changed.

i now speak flemmish.

5:09

that would be considered a slow time, but it is three mins faster than last year's time, and also significantly faster -- like, by 20 mins -- than my last marathon.

so, perhaps i am on the comeback, eh?

it is upon us.

today is the day i participate in a marathon, and while i may not run the entire thing, i am determined to finish.

that is all.

today is the birthday of the crown prince. happy birthday, c.p.!

tomorrow, i am participating in a marathon event activity. i had my wardrobe all planned out, and then speedy was like - what about pockets? and i was like - uh-oh.... because what i had planned does not have pockets. listening now to the weather report, and it appears that the weather will involve wind & coolness. perhaps a jacket will answer the weather issues and the pocket issues. thoughts?

there is a fine line between tough and crazy.

there is this video going around the internet of this high school senior. two weeks ago, she was running a x-country race and during the race, about 400 metres to go, her leg breaks. she keeps on going, and it breaks in several more places with about 200 metres left in the race. at about 45 feet from the finish, she falls, cannot get back up, and crawls to the finish where a race official picks her up and carries her to medical attention. she has since had several surgeries, and will doubtless have several more, to install rods & pins to stabilize her leg. she's hoping to return to school soon, on crutches -- she refuses to consider a wheelchair.

there is no doubt this girl is tough. i admire her. but, that doesn't necessarily mean i think others should follow suit. not everyone can withstand the pain of a shattered leg -- and with good reason. the pain is a signal to stop before things get worse. according to this young lady, the worst thing she could imagine was not finishing the race. many people would consider shattering an already broken leg in an attempt to finish the race worse than not finishing it.

but, to me -- this is worst thing: she completed the race in 20:24. that includes crawling 45 feet for a finish that's about 4 minutes faster than my personal best. i do have a high tolerance for pain... perhaps my legs are broken, and i don't even know it.

objective data is a hindrance to my belief system.

my old man said he considered fedexing our stuff taking the harley for the roadtrip this weekend. the weather didn't cooperate, but simply knowing he was considering it is stellar.

we are hitting the road for some adventures with mini-me, who is talented in more ways than one person should be allowed. we are returning home in a couple days for another adventure: there's a marathon sunday, and it appears that i have registered for it.
criminy crickets.

now is the time for all good people to eat their lunches. join in!

some lists in my head of which i do not know the reason for the having

schools in the ivy league: harvard, yale, princeton, columbia, cornell, brown, dartmouth, penn

santa's reindeer: dasher, dancer, pracer, vixen, comet, cupid, donder, blitzen, rudolph

snow white's dwarves: sleepy, sneezy, happy, grumpy, bashful, dopey, doc

vowels: a, e, i, o, u, and sometimes y

continents: n america, s america, europe, asia, africa, antarctica, oceania

planets: mercury, venus, earth, mars, jupiter, saturn, neptune, uranus, pluto

colors in the rainbow: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet

oceans: indian, pacific, atlantic, arctic, antarctic

places that are like states of the united states of america but are not really states, and no one seems to really worry about them or report about them on the news or tell us how our tax dollars are maybe at work in these places: guam, puerto rico, us virgin islands, the philippines, and various islands of the south pacific.

hands to the face

i cut my pinkie loading paper in the bizhub, so i have just now spent some significant time gazing at that individual digit, and i am not convinced i could pick my own hands out of a lineup.

last night was the last night

of self-defense class. we did scenarios with giant red plastic man and stocky black plastic man. it wasn't really all that difficult. not that it was a joke, b/c self-defense is no joke, but it is not like taking a lifeguard test from namu & mother goof.

if trees were made of candy,
and seas of lemonade -
would we develop diabetes
simply sitting in the shade?

elvis came to town

elvis came to town, and he did not come to see me.

he is who he is, and he is not going to change. it is up to me to set realistic expectations in order to avoid this stupid, idiotic, bitter disappointment. but, the realistic expectations turn into walls, and walls don't need care & feeding to grow - walls grow all on their own. what begins with managed expectations becomes the great barrier reef... a sharp, hazardous, enduring, large wall.

and, i really do love elvis, and i don't want this wall to be there, so i take it down... again & again, i take it down and stand there in the open, exposed, revealed. so ready to be hurt. how many more times can i stand to impale my own heart on the poison spear of my own disappointment?

and, why must i even go through this? doesn't he love me at all? or... perhaps - doesn't he love me, simply, enough? enough to meet me halfway? enough to care about spears & walls & disappointments?

elvis came to town, and he did not come to see me.

again.

kinda stupid to say you found it in the last place you looked, b/c of course it was the last place, b/c if you found it, you would quit looking.

wanted to make banana bread.

needed the hand mixer.

could not find the hand mixer.


looking for the hand mixer, found the missing silver serving tray.

gave up on the hand mixer & banana bread.

read book.

went back to look for hand mixer.

looking for the hand mixer, found the mysterious box of pumpkin carving tools.

gave up on the hand mixer.

decided to make banana bread by mixing with actual hands.

began gathering ingredients.

reaching for the flour, found the hand mixer.

who in their right mind would put the hand mixer behind the coffee maker?? criminy.

fishing for clarity in the well of fallen light

just watched the band arcade fire on austin city limits. quite impressive. complex melodies, wide - very wide - variety of instruments, but most impressive is the energy level. they play hard, play long, play loudly, & play standing. they sweat - a lot. they dance & get the audience dancing. the music is intriguing. the performance is igniting. this is a band to watch.

watching the titans play jacksonville, and the titans are not looking too sharp so far. haynesworth is hurt, and he is a major factor on the defense. it is like the jags are playing at a higher speed than the titans. one thing on the broadcast that is looking sharp -
ed hochuli's guns.

in other news: still plodding through carr's the alienist. it is becoming more interesting, but the archaic writing style is difficult to digest quickly. i am sure he is trying to mimic the language patterns prevelant in the late 19th century in which the story is set, but it makes for slow going.

today's run: 2 miles in 17:52. baby steps, eh?

dog pound, bay water, & poptarts

from the cat's records dog pound: huffamoose, nik freitas, & shaking tree. those are the debatables - the ones standing in judgment. or, standing beneath the glare of judgment. something. you know what i mean. anyhooo - also found charlotte church's voice of an angel. this is a recording of the 12-year-old singing phenom belting out a variety of traditional church fare and bright welsh ditties. only 12 years old? yeah, she was only 12 years old in 1998 when the album came out. criminy - the little angel is 21!

made a stop at dollar tree for the large size bandages to dress the aforementioned stitches and picked up some cherry flavored sparkling water brought to us by crystal bay. the only bay this water has occupied is the shelving bay. this water tastes distinctly of plastic. but, it is hydration, yes? wondering if it could be harmful. thoughts?

i am very, very sad to report that there are no poptarts in the house for breakfast tomorrow. very, very sad. verily, i say unto ye, 'tis sadness abounding.

one board for all the world

yesterday, i joined another online message board about running. wondering how many will be too many. starting to see the same people on the different boards. we should all just have one board. this is my dream: one big message board, for all the peoples of the world. all the peoples can be posting to one board.

we are the board... we are the peoples... we are the peoples of all the world posting on one board...

what is up with....

... people at work who carry on private mobile phone convos in the public hallway because the call is so private that they cannot take the call at their desk, yet they venture with this privacy into the public hallway, which is quite obviously the height of not private, and when you walk by them in the hallway, they give you an evil this is a private phone call stare, and you want to smack them upside the head and say - you are in a public hallway, ya doofus!

last night, at self-defense class...

...they told us this story of this local woman who was raped by her boyfriend. when she got to the police station, she pulled a pretty woman and requested dental floss. the policeman asked, why? she said, because i think i have a piece of his skin stuck between my teeth.

don't go down without a fight, eh?

potential - gifts, dedication, & luck

probably fewer than 1% of butchers, bakers, & candlestick makers even come close to tapping their ultimate potential as butchers, bakers, & candlestick makers. people who reach their full potential in any given field are naturally gifted, personally dedicated, and not without a touch of luck. the more gifted you are, the easier the work is because it fits with your gifts; ergo, it is not that difficult to dedicate yourself. the gifts, dedication, & luck come together to create success, which is fulfilling and breeds further dedication in search of greater success. dedication to anything is relatively easy for a person who is gifted & successful in that field -- easier than for a person who is neither gifted nor successful.

and, this is where encouragement comes into play. those who are more gifted & successful can -- and should -- give back to the community in which they excel by encouraging the lesser beings that make up the bulk of any community. encouragement can go a long way to make up for lack of natural gifts, and ease the pain of dedication for those to whom it does not come so easily.

the first tuesday after the first monday

traditionally - election day. i shall elect to trim my fingernails. if you would like me to send you the trimmings, let me know.

randomosity

ed hochuli on monday night football. it's raining & cold in pittsburgh, so he's wearing a long-sleeve shirt. too bad we don't get a view of those massive guns.

runophobia: fear of running; is sometimes baseless, but can be the result of a traumatic running event. for instance, stepping off the bloody sidewalk. or, creating a bloody sidewalk, as it were.

still working on caleb carr's the alienist. this is really very slow going. especially since it is too dark to read on the vanpool these days.

but, why is it news?

the local newscast this morning had a story about a mexican illegal immigrant drug dealer who was shot in his home during a drug deal. now, let me say up front i believe all life is precious - every single living being on this earth has value & is meaningful, if not to others on earth, then to the creator. that being said... one wonders why this story is newsworthy? is this not par for the course for someone living this lifestyle? why is this something we would need to know had happened?

perhaps there is a hidden agenda at the local broadcast station - an agenda that calls for heightening our awareness of violence, creating a culture of fear. perhaps they were trying to emphasize that most of us are not like this man; ergo, we are more safe, creating a culture of laissez-faire. perhaps they report stories about illegal immigrants as part of an agenda for or against immigration reform -- not sure on which side this story would fit. perhaps they had reported early merely the killing in a local neighborhood, and they wanted to fill in the details. perhaps there was no particular thought - perhaps they simply report everything off the police blotter. okay, not buying that last one, really, because there are surely a plethora of blotter stories that are not reported.

what do you think?

i was a lendale doubter...

but he just had his third consecutive 100-yard game in the titans (6-2) win over the panthers (4-4) today. lendale (#25) is showing not only strength & stamina, but also beginning to show confidence & creativity in his choices on the field. he is winning me over. also winning today, the lions, who beat the broncos 44-7.

cooloh numerohs

apparently, it pays to be named colt if you wish to be a college qb

on the left, colt brennan (hawaii). on the right, colt mccoy (texas). the young mr brennan gets my vote for better lookin'. there is also a boy named colt davis who kicks for lsu. so, there's another colt for ya -- all the same age, all playing football, and who else in the world is named colt?

stitches

i will not include pictures like some people (lacymarcelle) of their disgusting injuries that occurred when these certain people (lacymarcelle) were competing in sporting events of great physical contact. these people (lacymarcelle) are trying and perhaps succeeding in grossing us out with these people's (lacymarcelle's) pictures of broken bones and lacerated skin.

i will simply state that while running today, i stepped from the sidewalk, and came home with three stitches in my knee.

so there.

my igoogle clock has arms what is be broked

just sayin'

lately, whenever my old man is out, he will stop at the grocery on the way home & pick up whatever random shizzle i have scribbled out on the list that is forever on the kitchen counter. tonight - it's popcorn & napkins & paper towels. he stopped for those three things: popcorn & napkins & paper towels. he has pretty much mastered the stopping part, but he's still working on the shopping part. while he was shopping for those three things, he called me two times to discuss the options.

he is becoming the superhero stops-at-grocery-man, but he is still overcoming his alter-ego: befuddled-by-options-guy.

it's all saints days, but we ain't all saints.

investigators have discovered that a 12-year-old boy who lives in southern california is responsible for a wildfire -- one of several fires in southern cal this fall that have combined to burn hundreds of thousands of acres of forest and destroy millions of dollars worth of property. prosecutors are considering not charging the boy, not holding him accountable for his fire, one that burned 38,000 acres. they say he did not start the fire on purpose.

i will simply say this: perhaps he did not start a 38,000 acre fire on purpose, but it was no accident that he was playing with matches.