local news

a local mall experienced a robbery. at one store, the sales clerk, who was working alone, left a couple in the store while she went to the back room to find some stock. while the clerk was away, the couple lifted thousands of dollars worth of louis vuitton bags. the customer is not always right!

a local man was attacked by his neighbor's pet deer, bambi. it is illegal to keep a deer as a pet in this state. why? because they are vicious. the deer bit him, stomped on him, pulled him into a pond and nearly drowned the man. shame on you, bambi!

a local city government is working on an ordinance that will ban the use of indoor furniture in an outdoor setting. some university students are especially disappointed because they recently rescued a cat-scratched, no-legged couch from their neighbor's garbage. too bad, kids -- get that couch off the porch!

and, on a local-local note: i have run 12 miles and consumed 12,000,000 calories this week. is that the correct balance? just not sure here...