the state of the neighborhood

we went to eat at jason's [yes, i know you're amazed at our thinking outside the box] and i was in a dilemma. the manager [whom we know because we go there all the time] was like - «hey how are you?» and i was like - «i am in a dilemma.» he goes - «what's up?» and i am all - «i want to get the salad bar but i want something hot to eat.» so he goes - «have the soup & salad. get the salad bar and for 99¢ add a cup of soup.» aaaa-aaaa! angels sing! aaaa-aaaa!

salad+soup=joy

as i was driving home from the supper de joy, i pulled in behind a touareg and thought "ha, probably driven by a pretentious affected yuppie". the touareg had a 195.5 oval sticker on the back and i considered inquiring of the occupants what is the meaning of 195.5, and so considering, i pulled up beside the car and peered across from driver to driver. there, face determinedly forward, sat the epitome of the pretentious affected yuppie. how do i know? i looked it up, pretentious affected yuppie, and there was a picture of her with her face determinedly forward and her warm cap pulled down just-so [underarmour, no doubt] and her fleece zipped up just-so [livestrong, no doubt] and her hands on the wheel just-so [volkswagen, we already know that part]. so i abandoned all hope of inquiring of her on any subject and focused on leaving her ass in the dust when the light turned green. sadly, i failed on the dusting because... it's raining! haha! yes, i completely left her BEEhind beeHIND!

slingshot-t-t-t-t-t!!

i looked up 195.5 and the most likely answer is that it's the ragnar relay sticker. the ragnar. i was invited - that's RIGHT, i said invited - onto a ragnar team. yes, i was. was, too! WAS, TOO! okay, they were short several chicas and also at a 9:30m/m i would have been the fastest [yes, "-EST"] on the team. but the point is that i was gonna ragnarate, before i came up lame, and this pretentious affected yuppie DID ragnarate, ergo i heap on her my complete and utter scorn. by which of course i mean, i am envious as hell.