turning elephants into antelopes

i heard on NPR that if you lose weight, it's harder to keep it off and stay your new weight than it is for someone else to maintain that weight that is your new weight.

get it?

it's like you weigh 18 stone and your friend is 14 stone. then, you lose 4 stone, so y'all are both at 14 stone. you will need to consume fewer calories to maintain your 14 stone than your friend will be able eat while maintaining his.

that's why it's so easy to gain the weight back. after you lose that 4 stone, not only can you not eat the amount you ate at 18 stone, you can't even eat what other 14 stoners eat. and, you know, 14 stoners would eat a whole lot.

haha!!

ahem.

okay, so i am not sure exactly how it works but it has something to do with your body fat cells having memory and your body going into hibernate mode when you diet. your metabolism is just going along all lalala when you start to consume fewer calories, and suddenly it's all wha? wha? and then your body gets all paranoid and thinks you're trying to kill it, so it fights back. your brain kicks off these processes that make you hungry - hormones, nerve responses, chemical reactions - all firing off every time you walk past that vending machine until you buy those gddm poptarts gddmit and you eat them right there standing by the machine with crumbs flying and delicious redjelly centerstuff all slinging off into your hair and shit.

whew.

who can fight that crazy nonsense? pluswise, say you are really good and you have followed your diet. you've lost 2 stone of the 4 you set out to lose. you decide to take the weekend off, bachelor party, las vegas, alcohol, 50¢ fried porterhouse steak, midnight ice cream buffet, snakes on a plane, et cetera and so forth and so on. one freaking weekend! your 14 stone friend matches you chicken leg for chicken leg and doesn't gain an ounce. you gain back half your 2 lost stone. what the hell? it's your fat cells and their dagblasted memory. like elephants, they are! elephants, i tell you! ginormous fat fatty never-forgetting elephants!

stupid elephants.

takes more than "want to" to turn your elephants into antelopes.