you can't start a fire if you ain't got no fuel. (and, a match or other means of igniting it.) (and, a place for fire to burn safely, smokey bear).

my recent running career has been beset by setbacks. i've been sick or injured one way or another off and on for about 5 years now. before that i was simply a true faddist hobbyjogger so i wasn't pushing any limits. it's the limit-pushing that leads to trouble. long about 5 years ago i decided i wanted to train for the marathons i was running, and that meant running more mileage more days more consistently. to make a really massively extensive story incredibly condensed - i either discovered and/or developed asthma and i discovered a significant leg length discrepancy. neither of these are the sort of condition you can rub some dirt on and just run on through. left untreated, the asthma will stop you like a noose binding your neck to a freight train moving in the opposite direction. the leg length thing is sneaky because you can run on it for a long time and not really know, but the muscle compensation that is required to undertake this endeavor will eventually collapse. oh, and you might get a stress fracture, which should really be a clue to either yourself or a medical professional.

speaking of medical professionals, just quickly and with all due respect, there are some suckwad doctors out there. some of them have serious compassion deficit disorder and some of them may "care" but they don't "understand". they're not always listening or, reading, in the case of notes sent through the online portal my medical providers of choice so wonderfully provide (seriously, online portal = good stuff). sometimes a doctor will reply with a reply that makes you go "huh?" and wonder did they even read the message. i credit a rheumatologist with solving the asthma riddle and a physical therapist for correctly treating the leg length thing and neither was by any means the first to give it a go yet both were spot on in a way that makes me wonder why it took so long to get to what seemed so obvious in the end.

anyway, so what.

now, here i am running again for the first time in months and i am torn between the joy of doing all i can and the fear of injury. the world could end tomorrow (or, i believe 12 may 2012 is the correct date) so what i am saving up for? run today for tomorrow we die! on the other hand, too much too soon and i'll be out of the game and then tomorrow becomes today and i cannot carpe the freaking diem because i am on the bench. the trick is to do just enough, to walk (or... run) that fine line between boredom and injury. do enough to delight without doing enough to injure. but, where's that line? i have not yet been successful in my attempts to locate said line, and i am beginning to think it's simply imaginary and possibly different for every person, and if that's the case, then with my finely-tuned inability to discern my own limits in any aspect of my life, well i am just screwed.