why i sleep on a waterbed.

in case you haven't heard, i'll tell you: the city of new york is completely infested with bed bugs. this is not a joke. look it up! the city gov't has issued a health alert. theatres, hotels, ritzy apartments, all infested. the flagship nike store (niketown) has had to close. that's right - niketown done shut down. i am fairly certain this infestation can be blamed on elvis & priscilla who packed up beavis & regina and took them up there for a little tour. they done dragged the trailer-park-iosity of the almost-heaven state with them. haha. funny.

bedbugs. ew.

the national pest management association, npma, describes the little buggers as "Flat, brownish or reddish bugs that grow to the size of an apple seed." an apple seed, huh? that's a bit larger than i would have thought. i mean, an apple seed is not really difficult to spot. several dozen apple-seed-sized bugs crawling around ones bed area would be a bit disconcerting, no?

our friends at the npma go on to state that "The marks they typically leave, spots of blood and fecal matter, can look like pepper flakes." in case you aren't aware, fecal matter is poo. bedbug poo all over you! funnier if it's not you, yes?

- excuse me, i believe you have some pepper on your pyjammies.

-- well, my my, how would i get pepper on my pyjammies?

- maybe it's from eating snacks in bed - i saw all those apple seeds you left in there.

ew.

the little buggers are apparently very hideously difficult to get rid of. the process involves expensive, prolonged treatments that are not always successful. the environmental protection agency has issued a stern warning against using outdoor pesticides indoors. oh, my.

the npma advises thusly for the traveller: Diligently inspect rooms for bed bugs and stains they leave on bed sheets; keep possessions off the floor; clean bags and clothing immediately upon arriving home, washing items in hot water and ensuring to dry the items in the dryer, where the high heat can kill bed bugs.

apparently they are more prevalent than ever. the bedbugs, that is, not the npma folks. although the npma might be adding staff, i don't know. what i do know is the reported bedbug population is growing in number and widespreadedness. the npma attributes this to folks travelling more and i guess also not warshing all their stuff in boiling hot water and drying it on the high setting every time they come home. do you do that? i don't. want to know why? because it would freaking destroy my clothing. bout as well throw it all away.

this concludes bedbug banter. thanks for tuning in.