»i am in the human race.« -- and -- »when we landed on the moon, we were in a space race with russia.« -- these are 2 different uses of "race".

here is my theory on kanye west: he's an idiot. now, there are a lot of idiots in the world, but here's the unfortunate addendum to kanye's idiocy: kanye spends a great deal of his life 2 feet from the nation's ear. seriously - idiots are a dime a dozen. he's not special. he's just closely mic'd.

i used to chew cimmanon trident all the time. i chewed it all the time - like three or four packs a week. then - they quit making cimmanon flavour. what the hula? i even emailed them and they were like "hey, we have to focus on the shizzle what sells." eh, right, whatever. so, i started in with spearmint trident, but here lately - the past 5 or so packs i have bought - i have gotten a little ways into it and then the whole pack just melts. this can sometimes happen in the heat, but these packs are not exposed to heat. it must be formulated differently b/c it's simply not standing up to life. i am not putting up with it anymore b/c it's a waste of money and melted gum is gross. today i purchased some new kinds of gum. it's a regular gumnanza! this is a test. this is only a test. testing 1-2-3. testing. hup. hup.

i have lately been suffering with a bit of what you might call upper respiratory congestion. it's the sort of thing that gets my throat all wankered up with allergens and whatnot, which makes talking difficult. there's a lot of throat clearing -- a-hem eh-hrm -- and then that arrrrgh!arrrrgh! thing that one does to get the vocal chords cleared for landing. so - the point is that i was revving up the engine for a little chat with office lady and she was like, "hey, you know what i have been using for my throat? i have it right here. i just take a swig when i need it." she pulled out a bottle of scope. that's right - scope. mouthwash. office lady is swigging the mouthwash. criminy. i was laffing so hard i definitely couldn't talk even if i had the chords clear.