crutchtastic!

some advice from crutchville -

if you usually take the stairs, you might be unfamiliar with the elevator population. people who ride elevators are donut-snarfing fatties who delight in your injury because it confirms their hypothesis that donuts are healthier than exercise. resist striking them with a crutch. it will throw you dangerously off balance and they won't feel it through their fattiefat.

don't let the donut-snarfing fatties drive you from elevator and back to the stairwells unless you're an experienced crutcher. stairs are not the newbie crutcher's friend.

you cannot carry a basket of laundry and maneuver crutches at the same time. don't try. it cannot be done.

don't wait till the last minute to go pee. it will inevitably take you longer to get there than you thought it would and standing on your bum peg whilst desperately attempting to unsnaggle your fly can induce panic & nausea.

you can move a lot faster on crutches than you might think but it is a helluva lot harder to stop than you'd ever imagine.

crutches are specifically designed to cause pit-ache. this is to distract you from the injury pain.

keep your crutches close by. allowing your partner to "put them in the trunk for you" is tantamount to agreeing to wait in the car. it is imperative to maintain as much mobility as possible. [see "pee" info, above]

resist the temptation to decorate your crutches.

use a backpack. you'd be surprised how much stuff you are used to carrying around in your hands which are now otherwise occupied. your pockets were not designed to hold your lunch - and your briefcase, career tote, or laptop bag will skew your equilibrium like a sock tied around a cat. [note: that's "back"pack, not - NOT - "fanny"pack]

crutching around takes a bit of core strength. if you don't want to trumpet your arrival, avoid the beans.

drunk crutching is a whole lot less funny than you've been led to believe.