egging humpty on

you can make them scrambled, fried, sunny-side up!, over easy, over medium, over well, deviled, in an omelette, as a sandwich spread, hard boiled, soft boiled, or poached. my old man's favourite is scrambled and by favourite i mean the only kind he'll eat. my least favourite is scrambled but i will eat them all. i didn't eat eggs for years because they got caught up in the Great Digestive Sweep whereby i removed from my diet various foods that appeared to be causing me digestive issues, by which of course i mean constipation. what? too much information? oh, don't be such a sissy.

we have already covered the problem of too-thick shells on the white eggland's best eggs - a particular problem for the hard-cooked egg. this morning, i was cracking raw eggs of the brown-shelled non-eggland's-best variety by gently tapping them on a paper towel folded halfsies on the countertop - an arrangement which i have found to provide a cracking surface with just the right amount of give. tap-tap... sploosh! jeez! the egg shell simply collapsed under the weight of the burden of releasing its innards. where is the middle ground between too-thich and too-thin shells? and, here in the splooshing we have the second purpose of the paper towel cracking surface cover.

i am a fan of the the over easy [a.k.a. ocean] egg - although they've gotten a bad rap on the salmonella front. and, really, these are chicken eggs i am eating, not fish eggs, so what's the deal with a salmon disease?? i do like omelettes although they have a sort of connexion with my dysfunctional teen years [whose teen years are NOT dysfunctional, eh?] which results in my only liking a certain form of omelette and to in turn be completely dissatisfied with all other omelettes which of course results in constant disappointment and means i don't really like omelettes at all. i have never had a poached egg. grandma-bec used to eat these so i know they won't kill you... except she IS dead, so maybe they WILL kill you, but at any rate, their slimey appearance is simply unattractive.

i am currently a rather large consumer [large referring to the size of my consumption, not the size of my me] of the hard-cooked egg varietal. these are also called hard-boiled, but i prefer to say hard-cooked as i believe that sounds more britishish. i have one hard-cooked egg most mornings for the breaking of my fast. this morning as i was having one hard-cooked egg, one rasher of pig flesh, one cimmanon-raising bagel, one fruit salad, and as my old man was having three scrambled eggs, three rashers of pig flesh, one whole grain bagel, one fruit salad - as we were consuming these comestibles i was struck by the thought that while we'd easily order, serve, eat three scrambled eggs, we would look askance upon ordering, serving, eating three hard-cooked eggs.

in conclusion, the bestest egg of all is the golden goose egg, but because these fall short in the reality category, the best award is awarded to the cadbury creme egg.