whickity whack don't talk back

the power cord is totally frogged on the toshiba, and as you know, there is a new one coming on a slow boat from china, but MAN IS THAT BOAT SLOW. in the meantime, we are using the dell, and yes, i realize that there are poor lost children in china who have no computers, but i think they are holding my power cable hostage out of spite. wankers. and, speaking of slow, mercy mercy me, this computer is slow & also a bit WHACK. it can only do one thing at a time, and by one thing, i mean, like notepad. you can type in notepad. that is it. okay, you can check your email, but by check your email, i mean, see if you have any, b/c jeebus knows you cannot read any of the aforementioned emails b/c that might take up some memory. this computer has like 2 grains of memory. that's right, i said grains, b/c this computer is so old, they didn't even have megs when they made it. they had grains. and, when they were handing out the freakin' grains, this computer was obviously hiding behind the door. they said "grains" and it thought they said "rains" and it was afraid to get wet, so it hid behind the door. FAH SHIZZLE. and, the mouse. oooo-eeee, lawdy chile, don't get me started on the mouse. it is a sweet little wireless number, and isn't it great to have a wireless mouse b/c the wires don't get tangled, but OH YEAH THIS ONE IS WHACK. and, by whack, i mean fucked up. ha! you are familiar with the computer mouse? the basic, plain vanilla mouse? one moving part - right? the ball. the mouse ball. the concept is that this one moving part moves around, sending signals to the computer, thereby moving the cursive around the screen. yes, it's cursor, but my old man says cursive, and god love him, he tries, doesn't he? so, you have here your plain vanilla mouse with one moving part, but this godforsaken mouse ball doesn't move. that's right - the ONE MOVING PART IS STATIONARY. well, not totally, but that was funnier than saying "sort of stuck sometimes" which does not begin to portray the frustration of using the little bugger. but, see, here's the bottom line - it is a working computer, and so i am thankful for it, but the thankfulness kind of ironically adds to the frustration b/c as frustrated as i get, i don't feel like i can actually yell at it or take an axe to it b/c it's all we have right now, and it is loaded up with every piece of music we ever purchased. in conclusion, do not wash your reds w/ whites, do not cross against the lights, do not run with pointy things, do not jump off flying swings.