celebrating with quad shot cimmanon dolchay lattay + five guys grilled cheese sammich may have been a miscalculation of my personal digestive acuity.

i am a lifeguard.

did you ever have any doubt? JEEZ! way to believe in me. gosh.

today was test day. first we took the written test and i made 100. that's right, 100. perfect. did not miss a single one. yipee ki yay! then we did the CPR and the instructor did not correct me one time nor did i have to repeat any part of it. go me! then we did the swimming and first we did active drowning victim, and i called for the backboard which is unnecessary with active drowning, but better to have a backboard you don't need than to not have one that you do, eh? YES. then we did passive drowning victim, and that's the one you call for a backboard, which i did, and so that one was okay. then we did passive submerged victim which is my worst thing, and i did get really close to having to do it again, but after a bit of a struggle it all came together.

then, we were done with the deep water part and we all went to the walking pool and did facedown unconscious drowning victim with suspicion of head, neck, or back injury in shallow water. that's a group project and we all did really well at it. i was impressed with us. the trickiest part of it is the head & chin support, also known as the canadian roll.


in this pic, the lifeguard and victim are already face up, but to get that way, the lifeguard has to roll the victim and it's a suspected neck or back injury, so you just can't go rolling them around. you grasp the victim in the head & chin support hold (aka "vice grip") then you start slowly moving forward because this keeps the vic's spine aligned, then you roll under the victim, putting the vic face up, then you have to regain your footing because the entire time you have that momentum of the forward motion you initiated. whew. yes, it's complicated. and, difficult. you amateurs should not attempt this maneuver.

but after it was all over, we all passed. i jumped around a little which is a pretty clear violation of the deck rules, so i am sure the lifeguard on duty was like, stop it you idiot. TOO BAD!

elvis has committed to supplying the hoodie.