the best thing about new stamps is how they come in a waxed paper envelope.

so i was at the post office today picking out some stamps because if you are going to write letters, you need to have stamps, and i am going to write letters. i picked out the scouting stamp, the pansy stamp, and the forever stamp - 20 of each.

i axt the postal service employee what kind of stamps did they have besides the forevers and he was like, what kind do you want?

so i was like, do you have birthday stamps?

and he was like, no.

so i was like, okay, what do you have?

and he was like, i have... [rumaging around in the drawer] ...scout stamps.

so i was like, okay, i will take some of those and what else do you have?

and he was like, uh....

so i pointed at the sign with the pansy stamps and said, do you have these?

and he was like, yes.

so i was like, okay, i will take some of those, too.

and he was like, okay, is that all?

so i was like, yes, that is all.

which i just said that because he sounded so anxious, but it wasn't really all because i really wanted to see what other choices there were. freaking mailman. get the damb stamps outta the drawer! i think he probably deals in the weed on the side and he forgot it's okay to get the stamps out - it's the weed you need to leave in the drawer.

alongside my postal service transaction there was another transaction happening and this one was a passport. it was going along as per thusly:

postal service employee - now, sit all the way back in the chair and smile. 1... 2... 3....

passport applicant - okay?

pse - no, you are not smiling. you need to smile. here we go... 1... 2...

pa - i am going to see my daughter in germany.

pse - wha? wait. okay. let's try again. you can tell me about your trip after i get the picture. okay, smile... 1... 2... 3.... okay, you are winking at me there, see? you need to have both eyes open. 1... 2... 3... smile! smile! [i wanted to say here that maybe this lady was not a "smiler" so maybe she didn't need to be smiling on the passport because smiling is not her natural state but i didn't say anything because i didn't want to start a national security ruckus.] let's try again.... 1... 2... 3.... okay, now you have both eyes closed. here is what we are going to do - i will count to three, and then you close your eyes, then open them and smile, all at the same time. 1... 2... 3... close... open... SMILE.

pa - i am going to see my daughter. she lives in germany. germany is a country, right?

in conclusion, i am amazed that miss winkie-blinkie managed to conquer the complex 1-2-3-close-open-smile procedure, and i am not certain at all that she should be travelling any further than the nearest krystal.