5:18... 5:18... 5:18....

doesn't matter how many times i say to myself that finishing at all is an accomplishment, and there were people that didn't finish, and so on & so forth. it's still disappointing to feel i didn't do everything i could. although i remember feeling like it's all i could do, i look back on it from the perspective of today, and i say oh, really?? was that really all you could do?

perspective is a funny thing. and, memories created during a stressful time, well... it's not like you're gonna get an accurate picture of what happened. everyone who witnesses an event sees something different, based on filters. we all have filters - it not something we do on purpose. it's natural. unless you'd like to experience the world every day from scratch like a newborn baby, you've got to establish some filters. unless you want to eat towels and dry your hands with fig newtons, you've got to establish some filters so you can distinguish linens from food.

so, combine memory [notoriously unreliable] with filters [notoriously personal], and you get perspective. then, take the event that was witnessed. even if there were thousands of other people there, you are still the only one who witnessed what you witnessed b/c it's an experience of what is inside your head. you're the only witness to your thoughts -- even if you share your thoughts, the person you share with will hear things through their filters and absorb your thoughts into their perspective.

when you get right down to it, we're each alone with our experiences & memories. we are isolated by our perspective. we can reach out all day long and even imagine we've made a connection, but if you got to see the world for a second from the perspective of another person, you'd be very surprised how different that perspective is from yours and from what you think their perspective would be.

enough existentialism.

time to cut my old man's hair.