Sunday sUnday suNday sunDay sundAy sundaY

we're having the interior of the house painted. yes, this is something that other people do for themselves, but we're not other people. i mean, other people do things such as leap en masse from viaducts. senseless.

firstly, over the course of 25 years we've learned what we can and what we cannot do together and painting the house is one of those things we cannot do together. secondly, we had those popcorn ceilings and those are a bugger to remove. best to leave the buggering to the pros.

someone asked me last night did i take before and after pics. i did not. i am partially feeling like - gah! how could i not do that? and i am partially like - who cares? it's not like we're going to forget what the rooms looked like, and anyway, so what if we do? what about the past makes it worth preserving?

after emptying all the rooms in this house in order to paint them, i'm convinced that a lot of our past should not be preserved. how the hell many photos do we need? we have boxes of photos, vhs tapes, 8mm tapes. we have programs from piano recitals and plays and graduations. i was once made honorary page for the state legislature, along with my entire scout troop. there's a certificate for that and one for my membership in the national honor society and one for my varsity letter in pressbox, along with copies of the football game reports i wrote for the local paper which earned me that varsity letter. paper paper and more paper.

then, we have a ton of "this was meemaw's" and the dirty little secret of meemaw's belongings is that most of them are crap. the only reason they are worth anything is by association with meemaw. if meemaw knew we were keeping them, she'd laugh. why is it so hard to give them away?

it's a battle. i would like to live in a tiny house. google "tumbleweed houses" to see the tiny house. the thing about a tiny house is that nobody expects you to have anything. oh, you gave away meemaw's crap? well, of course you did - you have no place to keep it. oh, you don't have an extra set of sheets for your guest? well, of course not - you don't have an extra bed. if you live in a tiny house, there's no expectation that you'll have stuff and, freed of the expectations, you're freed of the stuff.

i would so like to free myself of that expectation now, in the house that i am in. i would like to free myself of that expectation and all this stuff without relying on some outside influence. yeah, yeah, i hear ya - just do it, what's stopping you. what's stopping me? i have no idea.