forecast for tomorrow: keep that umbrella handy!

so yesterday at mass, i am the dweebus who is sitting when everyone is standing, standing when they are kneeling, and never kneeling at all. i am the one who does not drink out of the germy common cup of wine and does not know the words to the nicene creed. i could not be a more obvious visitor if i were wearing a neon sign. at the end of the service, the guy next to me turns to me and says, are you a visitor? i say, well - in the sense that i am not a member of this church & not a catholic, yes. he says, here - take this valentine's candy one of my students gave me, i cannot eat it right now. i just laughed & took it, but i wish i'd said - i cannot. i gave up candy for lent. because that was clearly his deal - he had given up candy, so he was pawning it off on a visitor. he presumed a visitor would not have made any lenten promises. so, i was a dweebus on the outside, but he was a dweebus on the inside.

my old man is so sick, he has not eaten anything all day. it is probably 98% or more chance i will get whatever this thing is he has, b/c once it gets into the house, everyone gets it. everyone i know of who has had it - the entire house gets it. and, the first person gets it about a day or so before the other people. see, the first person is sick, doesn't know it, brings it home, passes it around, and gets sick. b/c the first person had it incubating while passing it around, the other people are a little behind schedule, and they get it a day or so later. see? i am going to get socked sometime tonight or tomorrow. everything i eat, i look at it & say... do i want to see this again? yeah... i elected not to have the red koolaid. i also have not eaten the valentine's lent candy.

keep that umbrella handy tomorrow, says the weather lady. why? if it were going to rain, surely she would simply tell us: it is going to rain. the umbrellas are to fend off the heards of elephants that will be stampeding through the streets, no doubt.